Phase 8: I cant be an alcoholic, I dont get hangovers...

I dont get hangovers so I obviously dont drink too much. Sure, I'm always "burning up", feeling hot, sweaty and occasionally tired. But never a hangover. In fact I can't remember the last time I had a headache. So what are all these stupid thoughts about drinking too much. This "little voice", trying to make out I should be leading the 'perfect' lifestyle. 22 units a week they say. Then in the next breath its "a glass of red wine a day is good for you", "alcohol thins the blood, and you dont want clogged arteries...". Mixed messages. They give them to you to "appear" as though they are experts. Yet they give you the choice to decide for yourself. I know which ones I am going to believe.
Come to think of it, I have been "counting my units" recently, but there again everyones different. In fact only last week the doctor was quizzing me on various things. Nothing to worry about, just a routine visit, as I had changed doctors because of a house move .I woke that morning slightly more anxious than normal....

Some things seemed to be swimming around in my mind last night. Things that weren't good things. So many problems building, so few solutions, or ways out of them. (Keep promising myself to get round to writing that list of things that need sorting, then again the very thought of it sends a shiver down my spine). I'm shivering now. I shouldn't be. I'm still in the clothes I wore yesterday. Must have fallen asleep dressed again. Made it to the bed this time though, not halfway up the stairs, or the toilet. Lying here staring at the ceiling, the thoughts from last night seem even bigger. There goes the jittery hand again. Hold on, I know just the thing.... 3 swigs should do it. Lick of the lips, and wait for stomach to settle (ha, it should say that on the label. No room though. Not with all this 40%ABV stuff they seem to put on). Should take effect before the 9:00 appointment. Whats the time now?. Eyesight not what it used to be. Yet another problem. More glasses, more expense. Where did I put my glasses last night?. The ridges in the middle of my nose suggest they were on my face when I went to sleep. Be on the floor here somewhere. (CRUNCH). There they are. Oh, still got my shoes on too. Definitely will need a new pair. Time says 7:55, just over an hour to go. No time for breakfast, then again never get hungry in the mornings.
8:45 now. Got undressed, showered, dressed again. Seemed a waste really. then again, can't go to the doctors smelling can I. Mouthwash should help. I can feel the 2 other gulps of crystal clear Vodka I had not more than 2 minutes ago working already. My nerves have completely dissappeared....
..."Oh no doctor, never smoked in my life", I reply truthfully to the small stern looking gentlemen sitting across from me, typing away on a screen I cannot see, as we speak. He doesn't look at me as he asks the questions. Just enquires,..then types.
..."and how many units you would you say that you drink...per week". He stops typing, and turns. Only this time his eyes look directly at mine, and his body appears to be leaning slightly forward. His nose is twitching, as if he is trying to smell something. Cant say 22. That'll be too obvious. He'll smell a rat (or something). "...errrm dunno really, bout 30?". I say it as a question to check his response. His nose twitches again, and his expression has changed. To one of disbelief (if there is such an expression). He writes something down on a card, in pencil. Obviously a prescription of some sort. Maybe some vitamins or something. The next question is strange..
"Do you drive regularly, ......." he asks. I reply "every day...", and try to look directly at him as I do so. His expression has subtly changed to concern, and he passes me the card. "I suggest you contact these people.., before its too late."
It said   "AA  - Breakdown Recovery".
It took a few seconds to realise he didnt mean the car repair company. It was only later (much, much later)that I realised that it is an ,even more, apt title..........