Phase 13 : Its water, honest....

Any reformed Alcoholic will tell you that they have done things that they regret. Some will tell you that they have done LOTS of things that they regret, others just wont remember things they have done, but they know they regret them. When those "things" are recalled later in life, when the Alcoholic haze has lifted from the memory palace, they become all to real. They "sting", just as thousands of needles would sting. You automatically wince at the image and the feelings that the regret conjure up. When those regretful things involve people close to you, people you love, and especially your children; the stings increase tenfold, and the shudder amplified. I look back at certain times, and hope that any effect on them, generates a positive future decision for them, not a negative one. One of many involved a holiday. The holiday itself was supposed to enjoyable.........
...with the car packed full of luggage, and toys, and all the other standard items for a weeks break on the South Coast, we set off. Just me, my 3 children, and 2 hour car journey ahead. However, in all the panic to get everything ready, my routine had been interrupted. My normal auto-pilot of Vodka induced breakfast, had been upset. I had not planned this well. Yes, I had planned the route. Yes, I had planned how we get all the stuff in. Yes, I had planned how to get the keys for the apartment. But. What I hadnt planned. Is how I stop my shaking, that would inevitably occur. How I would explain why I couldnt hold things still. The very thought of this was starting them off, with a vengeance. Driving was going to become extremely difficult, because i had noticed that recently, my legs were developing a quiver. The muscles were twitching of their own accord. Having to operate the pedals for any length of time without my Alcohol Settler was going to be downright dangerous. "I know", I thought, "I can pop to the shop first. Make some excuse. by a little bottle, few swigs, inside pocket, couple of mints, grab a comic for the kids, back in the car. Job done."
"Right then", I said "I've just gotta stop off, get some sweets. Who wants sweets?..", I glanced behind to see my kids strapped into their chairs, whooping at the request. "Yeah, yeah....can i come in the shop!"..."err, not really, gotta get you out, I know what you want, wont be long". "Ok, then.." they said innocently. I had the route through the shop already planned in my head, to be the quickest I could be, and it went to perfection. "Right; sweets, paper, comic, oh can I have a small bottle of Vodka, please..". The assistant turned and reached for it without looking. No time lost there then. I paid, put the things into a bag except the glass bottle, and stepped outside. Quick swig, or maybe two should do it. I turned away from the shop entrance, unscrewed the cap, and swallowed hard. It felt good at the time, and the shaking was subsiding already. Plan going well until...."There you are Daddy..." my eldest said behind me. I swung round quickly, to see that he had gotten out of the car to come in the shop. "Whats that?", he said pointing to the bottle, that was now half empty. My answer was a lie. A lie that he knew was a lie. But he didnt want to question me further. He didnt want to hear any more lies. But he knew what it was. I knew he knew, and that started to bring the shakes back. I had to continue to take the Alcohol, as secretly as I could, as the journey continued. The shaking in my legs was threatening to become uncontrollable. Any questions raised over what was in the bottle, from which I kept slurping from, was met with. "Its only water.......". They werent fooled for a minute.
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