Phase 7 : Weather report said dark clouds gathering....

I look forward to bedtime. Nothing beats the feeling of a clean quilt, pillows and sheets. Only trouble is I wish I could remember the last time that happened. Could've been yesterday the way my memory is failing me recently. Musn't let the stresses of work play on my mind. Need something to help relax me before I turn in for the night. Need to open another bottle, just emptied the last one. Oh well, that'll save a job in the morning. Gulp, gulp. Ahh. Wait for the tightening in the stomach. Small quick little swallows of saliva to help quell the reflux trying to return the triple distilled russian nightcap. Relax and breath and all better now.
The good thing about the first part of sleep, is that you are conscious enough to conjure up the world you always wanted. To be the character you'd love to be able to act out in real life. You can excude confidence, and charisma. Be the life and sole, surrounded by people who admire you. Not a problem in sight. No money worries, health issues, happy relationship. Its great in this world. Such a contrast to real life. Im going to revel in this fantasy....... world...........being............ ZZZzzzzzz.

Dont feel so good this morning. The harsh realities of real life flooding my thoughts, sending my heart racing a little. Things seem to be always going wrong, and I feel as though I am fire-fighting all the time. Problems are becoming huge, with each one as important as the next. How come everyone else seems under control. I need my thinking head on. A few gulps should do it. Glug, glug. Now its time to get up. Maybe I'll find some enthusiasm with the next swig.

I used to have a positive attitude to things. Always upbeat and controlled. Not recently though. Starting to worry about worrying. Mood seems different. Darker. Can play the fool, yeah, when chatting online. Always got the witty repost, the clever one-liner. Everyone thinks how funny I am. Wrote something down the other day. Dont remember it at the time, but something made me do it.
"Now I know why clowns have to paint the smiles on their faces."
I think I understand what it means...