Phase 16 : Every journey starts with a single step..

Being an Alcoholic means that at some point in your life, Alcohol ruled. Some might argue, it may have been right from the start, you just didnt know it yet. Some may think, that it is in the past, and you have overcome its rule. Again, the debate on "never being free from it", is entirely individual in my book. As an alcoholic myself, I believe that thinking the thoughts that work for you, are your solution, and if they are working then stick with them They may not be someone elses, but they will have their own remedy for abstinence.
I sometimes think back to my drinking days (which were only 2 1/2 years ago, though it seems longer), and wince at the journey I was making. This wasnt the journey to sobriety. This was a much simpler trip. In fact, a short walk of no more than 600 yards.....
"...the swelling in my foot is becoming ever more noticeable", I think to myself as wait, yet again, on the rest benches outside the local shop. "Seem more noticeable by others, who comment on it. And come to think of it I've noticed it more recently when trying to put my shoes on every morning. That in itself is becoming a problem, and affecting my schedule timings for waking up to, leaving for work. I am having to set my alarm 2 minutes earlier to ensure the liquid breakfast of Vodka gulps (3 now), isnt reduced. The physical act of bending over to put on my socks is physically challenging by the ever enlarging stomach, and proportionally growing ankles. In fact now I look more closely, both ankles are enlarged." I instinctively look down.".. and the swelling seems to be moving ever upward, slowly, day by day, week by week." The "water tablets" are no use, so cant be fluid retention". Seems ironic that you take them with a glass of water, or in my case substitute the word Water for Vodka.
I try to convince myself that it will dissappear. That as if by magic, my skin fits again. My diagnosis was absolutely spot on. My body was retaining fluid. My liver was drowning, as was my kidneys, lungs, and most of the other internal organs. I couldn't walk more than about 50 yards without rest, because my feet were swollen, my legs were swollen, my lungs were being crushed internally by fluid, and my energy levels had dissappeared long ago. I wasnt giving this a moments thought, as I sat on the cold, wet bench. Contemplating the next 50 yards, in the same way that Edmund Hilary pondered the vast climb in front of him. The only thing that kept me going was the knowledge that the shop I was headed for had Vodka at a Special Price today. Cant miss that....
This determination and stubborness is a trait that would come to my aid, much, much later, for a much more beneficial outcome . And all the while I remain sober, now, I know that these qualities, when used in the right way, help me to maintain a alcohol-free lifestyle.