After 30 months of being Alcohol free, still means, though, that I am an Alcoholic. And I have found one major side effect of this journey into abstinence. In some ways, I dont want it to go, because it is a reminder.
It is that I get extremely annoyed now with others who get drunk. Theres an internal dilemma as the feelings of irrittation and intolerance starts to build up inside, as I watch others making complete fools of themselves. I dont want to "temper" these emotions, as it is this unwanted passiveness that I found was "cured" with the addition of Vodka. Being able to express these thoughts, without the "dutch" courage, is an achievement in itself. However, it portrays the impression of a "jealous" alcoholic even more. "Your only jealous because they can and you cant..." is the trademark response. "Youv'e had your fun, let them have theirs.."
In some small way, there is some envy. Not envy as regards "letting my hair down". More so envious that they can do one thing, that I will never do for the rest of my life.
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