Phase 21 : "Down it in one..?", I never used to take that many...

As with anyone trying to give up something that has played such a pivotal part of everyday life, being an Alcoholic means that I seem to be more atuned to references, adverts, of discussions about alcohol. It is all about natural awareness, and the brain processing information triggered by a particular word, or smell, or sound. How often is it, that after buying a new car, that we suddenly become aware of exactly how many of the same make, or colour, suddenly appear. As if the walls of the dam were suddenly broken, and the world was flooded with exactly what we now have.
For me, the same thing happens regarding alcohol. Even after nearly 3 years of my body being ABV 0%, my senses are still twitchy to alcohol in all its forms. Police programs about drink driving, government promoting responsible drinking, supermarket constantly discounting alcohol. These all seem far more prevalent over the last 3 years. Or am I being paranoid?
My battle is now to try and not be the "alcohol is evil" crusader.
Knowing what I now know about the dangers of addiction, and the chemical destructive nature for otherwise healthy organs, I may be being selfish by NOT becoming a campaigner for higher prices, and increased age limits. Would helping to save one future life of destruction, help to atone for my own personal waste of time, money, health?
I believe the answer to that is emphatically no!
This is because the flip-side of that view is that by implication, someone should therefore have helped me, so it isnt my fault.
It is all my fault. All my fault, and no-one elses. I cant blame anyone for what should have been done, I can only blame me for what I do next.

Phase 20 : Get a Pint into a half pint pot...just cut out the pot...

Will I be an Alcoholic for the rest of my life? The answer is I'll never know. There is one thing that I do know, and it is an enlightnening, and somewhat welcoming, side effect of the admission of previous dependancy on alcohol. What I know is that honesty with yourself is the greatest tool that you can arm yourself with for the life ahead. Couple this with the realisation that you can achieve anything, and  all of a sudden your mental approach to the unknown seems stronger.
At the moment I am not an advocate of "group" therapy. This could be a regretful attitude, but I hope not. In some arrogant way, though, I'm not relying on just hope, as "hope" implies a degree of desperation. I genuinely dont believe I need to. Some people do use it, and use it successfully, and all my congratulations go out to them. For them, the support, love, achievement they develop through each days successful refraining from alcohol, can be shared with others. For me, I use it to feed my own stubborness to succeed. It seems to be working.